if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
