so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
