You can't special order awesome
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
