I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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