I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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