hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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