ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
