I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize