I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
