peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
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Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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