You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
