We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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