please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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