she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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