Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
