He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
