eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
