Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
