Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
