Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
