i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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