@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Mom said you looked used
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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