i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
