i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
