Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
