Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
