What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
