So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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