I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she told me i tasted like america
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
