All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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