Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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