Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
