whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
