My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
