Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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