i just had sex bonerless
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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