Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
