I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
