if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
