And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
two words: eviction party
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
