We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
