he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
