Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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