What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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