haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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