Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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