I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
