i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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