That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
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I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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