is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
