Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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