Me. At least after what I've been through.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
