i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
