I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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