first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
