I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
