I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
