I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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