His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
