I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
