She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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