I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
