I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
