Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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