If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
