So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
