There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
