Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
