also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
