i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
