Pappa wants mamma naked
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
