Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
