he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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