They should really pass out barf bags in church
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
