Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the liver wants what the liver wants
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
