All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
