New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
