Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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