Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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