so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
