Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
