First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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