We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
