I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
